


if i had more time to just waste on you (oh, i think i'm ready to break)

by stardustgirl



Series: i’m a fool with a curse and a crush (he’s a teenager in love) [5]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: (Six Feet Apart So They Don't Get the 'Rona), (see note above), (sort of), (spoilers its kya), (well ok zuko's already out to sokka but like. he talks about coming out? idk), Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Disaster Sokka (Avatar), Bittersweet, Boys In Love, But also, Canonical Character Death, Class Differences, Coming Out, Coronavirus is mentioned, Dark, Friendship/Love, Gay Zuko (Avatar), Hakoda (Avatar) is a Good Parent, Implied Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, OH but zuko does think abt Getting Murdered, Oblivious Zuko (Avatar), Outing, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Pining, Protective Sokka (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar) Friendship, Sokka Offers To Fight Everyone, Texting, Two Bros Chillin' on a Back Step, Unreliable Narrator, Zuko (Avatar) Angst, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is so oblivious it hurts, Zuko's Scar (Avatar), and its obvious, but zuko says no :(, hunting is mentioned, lets be real yall this is ozai and his fam, like pls. sokka. just. just kISS HIM ALREADY--, theres a dichotomy here, this isnt as dark as the other fics in the series?? surprisingly??, zuko feels very very sad :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:27:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25575799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardustgirl/pseuds/stardustgirl
Summary: They’re silent for a long, long minute, and Zuko finds himself almostwantingto be back home, back where there’s no pregnant silences that could mean anything fromI love youtoI’d punch your dad in a heartbeat if you asked.Though, he reflects, those mean the same thing to him, don’t they?(Or; Zuko, differences, and the delicate art of loving a friend.  Oh, and quarantine too.)
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: i’m a fool with a curse and a crush (he’s a teenager in love) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1833397
Comments: 12
Kudos: 333





	if i had more time to just waste on you (oh, i think i'm ready to break)

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags for potential triggers y'all!!!

_Can I come over? it’s getting rough over here rn lol_

He sends the text before he can regret it, then exhales slowly through his mouth and covers his face with his hands. Zuko should _not_ have sent that. No no _no._ He shouldn’t have he shouldn’t have—

But his phone dings before he can spiral further.

_of course. u want me to wear a mask??_

_If it’s not too much_

He hesitates before sending to add, _I don’t want to risk Uncle’s health_

 _makes sense,_ Sokka replies, and then follows it up with _see you soon!! I’ve missed you_

_Miss you too._

Zuko remains on his bed for only a minute longer before getting up, throwing on his favorite hoodie—the one from Sokka, the one he can’t _help_ but call his favorite even if he doesn’t like the band on it that much—and slipping out the door.

He texts Father as he’s getting in the car, telling him, _I’m going over to Uncle’s_ even as he clears the map suggestion that comes on for Uncle Iroh’s house every time his Bluetooth connects to the car. And when he reaches the end of the street, he turns left, toward Sokka’s.

The Southwaters’ place is smaller than Zuko’s— _much_ smaller. He hates the fact that he becomes painfully aware of that every time he comes, and the reality is made even _starker_ when he remembers that _he’s_ the one in the Prius pulling into their one-story less-than-two-thousand-square-foot residence. The divide stretches further, too—Zuko has a MacBook Pro, one that has more storage than he could hope to use with how rarely he actually saves things to its hard drive, while Sokka shares an ancient chromebook that always has its fan on with Katara.

Zuko can’t cook to save his life, either, whereas Sokka can make a whole meal out of whatever their dad has stock-piled in what they’ve affectionately dubbed The Venison Freezer—a fact that Aang refuses to acknowledge—in under an hour. The thing Zuko both craves and fears the most is his father's attention, while Sokka gets it in multitudes, almost _too_ much of it.

Despite all that, Zuko loves Sokka. And Sokka loves Zuko. At least, Zuko hopes he does.

He pulls into their driveway in his usual spot under the tall fir, putting his car in park and taking a moment to breathe maskless. As always, his gaze drifts to the tree, and he finds himself studying the way the needles slowly curve upwards, just enough to be noticeable but no more.

They’d planted it for Kya, he remembers, Hakoda’s wife. Katara had wanted to plant a seedling, but the rest of them had said that a bigger tree would be best to remember her by. She’d always loved trees, Sokka had told him once. Loved how they made everything around them realize how insignificant they were in the grand scheme of things.

_“There weren’t many trees where she grew up, on the rez,” Sokka says, gaze distant. “Dad said she wanted to have some with her when we moved, so she wouldn’t remember feeling so lonely anymore.”_

And now, Kya is in a grave somewhere far, far away that only those closest to her in life know of.

Zuko wonders if, when his father finally finds out about him and Sokka, he, too, will lie in a grave somewhere that only Father and Uncle and Azula will know the location of.

(No, he thinks. Father wouldn’t bother burying him.)

He turns the ignition off, pulls out his mask, and gets out of the car, pushing away thoughts of hidden homicide.

He clicks his car locked on his way up to the front porch. Zuko hesitates a moment before knocking on the door and taking a step back.

He can hear footsteps, a muffled, “I got it, Katara,” and then the door opens and Sokka’s there, slipping on a mask that doesn’t hide the sparkle when he sees Zuko.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

There’s silence for a minute before Sokka clears his throat. “You wanna come around back? We can sit on the step.”

Zuko nods, and Sokka calls back into the house, “It’s Zuko, we’re gonna be in the back!” before closing the door and heading towards the back gate. Zuko follows at a distance, trying to keep the tears of relief from falling.

They each find a seat on opposite ends of the back step, and Zuko clasps his hands together in his lap, gaze falling to them. Sokka has one hand on his knee, the other on the cement between them, and Zuko catches glimpses of it fidgeting every now and then. Almost as if he wants to move to Zuko, to hold his hand, to tell him, “It’ll be okay,” even though they both know it won’t.

Zuko doesn’t acknowledge it, though.

“So. How’re things going with...you know…?” Sokka gestures vaguely, and Zuko shrugs.

“He, ah...it’s a lot.” He laughs, the sound devoid of breath, as hollow as his lungs and heart both feel.

“I know it doesn’t really help all that much, but I’m sorry, and if I could I’d punch him and—”

“Thank you,” Zuko interrupts. He can’t deal with pity today.

They’re silent for a long, long minute, and Zuko finds himself almost _wanting_ to be back home, back where there’s no pregnant silences that could mean anything from _I love you_ to _I’d punch your dad in a heartbeat if you asked._ Though, he reflects, those mean the same thing to him, don’t they?

Finally, Sokka clears his throat. “Have things gotten any _worse?_ Since quarantine started, I mean.”

 _A thousand times worse._ “Only a little,” he lies instead. “Not a whole lot.”

“That’s good, that’s good. Not that it getting _any_ worse is good, I mean, but like...it’s good that they’re not _super_ bad, you know? Sorry, I don’t think any of what I’m saying is making sense—”

“Sokka. It’s okay. I get it.” Sokka turns toward him, and Zuko lifts his gaze for the first time since they sat down to see the spark in the other teen’s eyes that can only signify a smile hidden behind his mask.

 _I love you,_ his mind screams at him to say. He finds his mouth is too dry, too empty, all the words having left him with his breath and his bravery.

“I miss you,” he finds himself saying instead. He hopes the silence afterward will say everything he himself cannot.

“I miss you, too,” Sokka says, his voice uncharacteristically soft.

 _I love you, too,_ Zuko imagines him saying instead.

His phone buzzes, interrupting their quiet contemplation of each other and of the universe, and Zuko pulls it out to see a text from Azula.

_Dad says you have to come home asap or youll be in trouble_

Swallowing hard, he shoves his phone back into his pocket. “Gotta go,” he says, pushing himself to his feet. “My dad—”

“Yeah, yeah, of course,” Sokka says, rising alongside him. “I don’t want you getting banned from coming here.”

“He thinks I’m at Uncle’s, so that probably won’t happen.” He’s not sure why he says it, not sure why he spills the truth so easily, but Sokka’s expression changes at the revelation. Not in a big way, but still, it’s enough.

“Did he say you couldn’t come over or something?”

“No, he—” Zuko pauses, floundering in his search for an excuse. Finally, he says in a too-small voice, “He found out. About...about me.”

Sokka’s expression darkens, a storm brewing in his eyes. “Did he hurt you? Because if he did, Zuko, I swear to—”

“It’s okay, Sokka, I promise, he—”

“Wait. _Wait._ Is that– is that where your—” Sokka gestures at his own face, “—your eye injury—”

“No. Azula and I were messing around and fighting in the kitchen and I got pushed into the stove. I have to go now. Bye.” He turns quickly, heading for the gate even as Sokka runs after him.

“Zuko, Zuko wait, you can tell me—”

“ _Goodbye,_ Sokka.” He unlocks his car, already slipping in and closing the door by the time Sokka manages to get the back gate unlatched and open.

“Zuko, wait—”

He turns the key in the ignition, drowning out Sokka’s calls by blasting Arrested Youth way too high for his speakers to remain intact as he backs up and out of the driveway.

Even as he speeds away, he can’t get over Sokka’s expression as he stands in the driveway: lost, concerned, just _small._

Zuko pulls into his own house only ten minutes later—far too short a drive to forget the emotions the short visit had reignited—and keeps his car on for a few more moments, engine humming beneath him. His phone buzzes just as he finally turns the key.

Sokka. Of course.

_when u came back to school w that giant bandage u said u got it from camping w ur uncle_

Another text, mere seconds later.

_u can tell me, Zuko. if he’s hurting u. i promise_

Zuko clicks his phone off and heads inside.


End file.
